Well...This morniing I took out Sissy's things to the garage and I had all of her things in a box to send, trusting God that He knows what is best for my family. An investgator talked to Matt telling him that today was going to be the day that she goes. Matt walked into the courtroom and the lawyer stood up and said that they all decided that the baby should go to the grandparents. The Judge said," I don't care what you decided. I am here for the best interest of this baby. I think that the grandparents need a phych. evaluation because I wonder if they are in the right frame of mind to have this baby." I guess the grandma has written him so many letters that he is fed up with it and he wants them evaluated. The next court date is March 2. I THINK that in March, they either get her or they are out of the running to have her. matt and I still have to give them weekend visits and give the birthmom visits during the week. (we have not heard from her in 3 weeks).
Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."
Psalm 62:8 " Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."
Here is a picture of Sissy and I the night we got her. August 7,2008
Honestly, I have had a few rough moments this morning. I decided to put all of Sissy's things in a box in case she goes tomorrow after court. I am doing it because I don't think that I will be able to think of everything I need to send and I will just wanting to be holding her anyway. If she stays then she just has some really organized drawers. I'm still praying that she stays but I am also preparing myself for what might happen.
A couple of days ago I told Ivy again that she might leave but I was a little more blunt about it. I told her,"Ivy, If she goes then she is not coming back and she is not going to be your sister." She said, "Why mom? I love her. I want her." I said," Do you know how we asked Jesus if we could adopt her? That we love her and want to keep her? Sometimes when we ask Jesus, He says no.Jesus loves us and wants what's best for us." She thought about that for a minute and then said, "But Jesus told me yes." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry...so I cried. I said," I wish that it was that easy. I hope you are right."
I read Matt part of the book I am reading to prepare my heart. I want to share it. It is talking about how Mary was confused and frustrated with Jesus that He did not hurry and run back to heal Lazarus and so Lasarus died.
" Jesus never seems to do what we expect. When we look for Him to act, He stalls.When we think He should avoid an unsettling encounter with Mary, He seeks her out. And when He is finally with her, instead of giving the councel and explanation we are waiting to hear , He weeps. everything He does catches us off guard and forces us to do what Mary had to do- take a closer look at Jesus. ......in every scene He moved and acted according to His own agenda....God's glory is the governing principle behind everything He does...God's glory and our good are so intermingled that they can no longer be distinguished.....Although it breaks Mary's heart and brings her to the edge of her faith, instead of distancing herself from Jesus, it draws her closer. Instead of weakening their relationship, it intensifies the bond between them. Instead of undermining her faith, it multiplies her reason to trust Him".
I have no doubt that if Sissy goes tomorrow, Jesus will be weeping with us. I also have no doubt that it will be for our family's best. I will never understand it and it won't make sense to me but I trust Jesus. His glory and my good...they are the same. Please continue to pray, I still have hope.
Ivy has been sick with a flu bug and Sissy was bothering her, wanting to be in her face, so I put her in her excesaucer (I think that is how you spell it). I called my mom and while I was talking to her in the kitchen, I heard snoring in the living room. I went in and saw that Sissy had fallen asleep in it! She was snoring away! Too cute. I took her up to her room and she was a ton of bricks. She was out!
I have been reading the book, "When Life and Beliefs Collide...How Knowing God Makes a Difference" by Carolyn Custis James. It talks about how your theology (what you believe about God) comes into play when "life" happens. When you have a crisis, you are going to act on what you believe to be true. What you think about different situations is what you really believe. I wanted to quote something that I read today...so good!
"The problems of life cannot be remedied by a pill, even if we wish it were so. Life has a way of crashing down on us without warning. Whether we like it or not, sooner or later all of us end up in the war zone, where life ceases to be tidy and the pain threshold goes off the charts. Women are not spared this kind of active combat, which makes it all the more urgent for us to think through our theology so our views of God will sustain us when the battle begins to rage. Otherwise we will sink in despair instead of standing firm and fighting with courage, determination and confidence in God. "
"A woman's theology can make all the difference in how well she fights the battles that are a part of God's plan for her....When faith is stripped to the bone and all our props and crutches are gone, our knowledge of God-that He is good and still on His throne - is the only thing that kepps us going."
Amen! Preach it sister! These are the same thoughts that have kept me "sain" during the whole Sissy situation.
What are you struggling with? Do you think that in the midst of your trial that God is still on His throne? Is He still in control? Does He truly love and care about you and your life when things are not going smoothly? That is what you need to work through.
I know that I have not been updating about our fost adopt situation lately but there really isn't much to tell. We have been giving Sissy to the Grandparents every weekend and then picking her up on Sunday nights. The birthmom has made more of her visits. (One visit she confirmed, she didn't come to and I had loaded 3 kids in the car to take her. I had hit my limit and went all crazy on a social worker. So...they made ME make another trip back to give her a visit on a non visit day) Every time I go now they question me on if I am feeding her enough (she went from a below normal weight to in the 50% now) and they question why I haven't put another outfit in her diaper bag for when she gets wet. That is what really sets me off. I am taking care of little Sissy as if she is my own and they have the nerve to suggest otherwise! I really do need to pray about my heart on that because I don't want to get bitter. But...this entry is not even about me. While the girls are playing after breakfast, I was blog hopping and found a blog that broke my heart.
The couple is Adrienne and Jim. They adopted a little Russian boy and after 4 misscarriages, they decided to adopted a baby within the US. The baby was born and they got to be with the baby for a couple of days, meet the birthmom and Grandma and they bonded with everybody. Then the birthmom changed her mind and took the baby from the agency. If you read her blog, you hear her excitement of loving the baby with everything going smoothly, her love for her new birthmom, etc. Then you read about their pain. Thier blog address is www.our-journey-to-parenthood.blogspot.com Please pray for Adrienne and Jim.
