Court Tomorrow

Here is a picture of Sissy and I the night we got her. August 7,2008

Honestly, I have had a few rough moments this morning. I decided to put all of Sissy's things in a box in case she goes tomorrow after court. I am doing it because I don't think that I will be able to think of everything I need to send and I will just wanting to be holding her anyway. If she stays then she just has some really organized drawers. I'm still praying that she stays but I am also preparing myself for what might happen.

A couple of days ago I told Ivy again that she might leave but I was a little more blunt about it. I told her,"Ivy, If she goes then she is not coming back and she is not going to be your sister." She said, "Why mom? I love her. I want her." I said," Do you know how we asked Jesus if we could adopt her? That we love her and want to keep her? Sometimes when we ask Jesus, He says no.Jesus loves us and wants what's best for us." She thought about that for a minute and then said, "But Jesus told me yes." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry...so I cried. I said," I wish that it was that easy. I hope you are right."

I read Matt part of the book I am reading to prepare my heart. I want to share it. It is talking about how Mary was confused and frustrated with Jesus that He did not hurry and run back to heal Lazarus and so Lasarus died.

" Jesus never seems to do what we expect. When we look for Him to act, He stalls.When we think He should avoid an unsettling encounter with Mary, He seeks her out. And when He is finally with her, instead of giving the councel and explanation we are waiting to hear , He weeps. everything He does catches us off guard and forces us to do what Mary had to do- take a closer look at Jesus. ......in every scene He moved and acted according to His own agenda....God's glory is the governing principle behind everything He does...God's glory and our good are so intermingled that they can no longer be distinguished.....Although it breaks Mary's heart and brings her to the edge of her faith, instead of distancing herself from Jesus, it draws her closer. Instead of weakening their relationship, it intensifies the bond between them. Instead of undermining her faith, it multiplies her reason to trust Him".

I have no doubt that if Sissy goes tomorrow, Jesus will be weeping with us. I also have no doubt that it will be for our family's best. I will never understand it and it won't make sense to me but I trust Jesus. His glory and my good...they are the same. Please continue to pray, I still have hope.