Monday, December 22, 2008

Court Tomorrow

Here is a picture of Sissy and I the night we got her. August 7,2008

Honestly, I have had a few rough moments this morning. I decided to put all of Sissy's things in a box in case she goes tomorrow after court. I am doing it because I don't think that I will be able to think of everything I need to send and I will just wanting to be holding her anyway. If she stays then she just has some really organized drawers. I'm still praying that she stays but I am also preparing myself for what might happen.

A couple of days ago I told Ivy again that she might leave but I was a little more blunt about it. I told her,"Ivy, If she goes then she is not coming back and she is not going to be your sister." She said, "Why mom? I love her. I want her." I said," Do you know how we asked Jesus if we could adopt her? That we love her and want to keep her? Sometimes when we ask Jesus, He says no.Jesus loves us and wants what's best for us." She thought about that for a minute and then said, "But Jesus told me yes." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry...so I cried. I said," I wish that it was that easy. I hope you are right."

I read Matt part of the book I am reading to prepare my heart. I want to share it. It is talking about how Mary was confused and frustrated with Jesus that He did not hurry and run back to heal Lazarus and so Lasarus died.

" Jesus never seems to do what we expect. When we look for Him to act, He stalls.When we think He should avoid an unsettling encounter with Mary, He seeks her out. And when He is finally with her, instead of giving the councel and explanation we are waiting to hear , He weeps. everything He does catches us off guard and forces us to do what Mary had to do- take a closer look at Jesus. ......in every scene He moved and acted according to His own agenda....God's glory is the governing principle behind everything He does...God's glory and our good are so intermingled that they can no longer be distinguished.....Although it breaks Mary's heart and brings her to the edge of her faith, instead of distancing herself from Jesus, it draws her closer. Instead of weakening their relationship, it intensifies the bond between them. Instead of undermining her faith, it multiplies her reason to trust Him".

I have no doubt that if Sissy goes tomorrow, Jesus will be weeping with us. I also have no doubt that it will be for our family's best. I will never understand it and it won't make sense to me but I trust Jesus. His glory and my good...they are the same. Please continue to pray, I still have hope.



8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kelli, it is heartbreaking to read what you are feeling but also so comforting to hear that your complete trust is in the Lord. I am so glad that you found such an encouraging thing to read. I will be praying for you guys tomorrow.

612 SW 50th Street said...

We'll be praying for you Kelli. Your attitude is great...It must be hard, but you are looking at this situation the Godly way. Keep us updated.

Leo and Kim said...

Kelli, I will be praying for you today and tomorrow as you prepare you heart for God's answer. Thanks for posting your link on Facebook.

Happy Hollie said...

Love you Kel and praying that the Lord's will be done. He will sustain you and knows what is best.

chinaowensfam@gmail.com said...

I cried at my computer today as I read your blog, and sought the Lord to spare that child from the life she would lead if she left you. How else can I pray? Let the Lord's will be done. Your faith blesses me...I have walked many the same roads and it is so encouraging to my heart to see you trust God in the ways he has led me as well. Where else can we go but to Him? There is no one else...

Love you,

Sarah

Patyrish said...

I found your blog through the Kostjuk's. I believe Ashley had mentioned you to me on the phone before.

When I read what tomorrow may bring for you my heart ached. I know that feeling all too well. I can imagine your apprehension but I am inspired by your faith.

I will surely be praying for you.

Cherie Baker Vann said...

you know I'm PRAYING!!! Jesus loves us so much - and He loves Sissy more than we ever could!! I am anxious and excited to hear the outcome today - make sure you let us know!!

Serena said...

You've been on my heart and in our prayers today. I'll keep checking back for a report of how court went. His eye is STILL on that sparrow!