Ivy's Adoption Story Part 3

Ivy (one week old) with her dad


Matt and I went in to do our 2nd artificial insemination with the Dr. He said that it went perfect. He said that he would be really surprised if it didn't take. Matt and I were hopeful. We had decided that this would be our final step and that if this didn't work, we were going to leave infertility behind and look toward adoption. We had spent so much time and money!


One way that God was so good is that Matt and I agreed on EVERYTHING. When to start infertility treatments, when to stop it, when to adopt.....we hear that is not the norm in most marriages, even Christian marriages and we we grateful that the Lord was working on our hearts at the same time.


During that month of waiting to see if the insemination worked, one night, Matt and I were watching TV. I don't know how to explain this except to tell it like it happened. ( I don't feel like God does anything dramatic to speak to me). While Matt and I were sitting in the living room, I had an incredible "feeling" that this insemination was not going to work(even though the Dr. said everything went fine), I really felt like we were done and my heart opened wide to adoption that night. Not just as an alternative for having a baby but a desire to do it. I started crying really hard and I was afraid to tell Matt what I was feeling. ( I think he already thought I was nuts from all the infertility drugs I was taking). I told him how I felt and he said that he already knew because he felt the same way.


When I didn't get pregnant, I still had a good cry (it was leaving my dream of naturally having a baby behind) but I was looking toward the future. God was so good in that our insemination had went perfectly so I had no "what if's" about the situation. God just didn't want us getting pregnant and that was a good enough answer for me. I didn't need a big medical reason. By the way, let me offer some advice. Please don't tell a woman that because she is done trying to have a baby, that now she'll get pregnant. I know people mean well but that does not help. In order for me to look at adoption, I had to let go of my dream and when people say things like that it makes it hard and ...they don't know God's plan for our lives. People only said it because they loved me and were trying to be positive. I have a list of "not so smart things" that people said to me.(OK...just a minute while I climb off my soap box....Ok.)
Now....what do we do about adopting........

Ivy's Adoption Story Part 2

Ivy (2) and Lexie Kostjuk(3)

People are going to laugh who know this story but I have to tell it. Let me just tell you how much I loved Kirk Cameron as a teen. I was a little obsessed. I even used to pray for his salvation because I know we couldn't get married if he wasn't a Christian. ( He is a super godly man now serving the Lord...I don't want to take any credit for that but....ya know!) Anyways, Matt and I had done our first artificial insemination with the specialist and it didn't work. I drove to Thousand Oaks and met with the Dr., he told me that we were going to start the drugs again. I tried to stay positive in front of him but I wanted so badly to start crying right there. I hated all the shots and drugs. I left the office asking the Lord for strength. I remember praying," Lord I know you love me and this is for my good but I am so low right now. I need SOMETHING today to let me know you care about me and my feelings." I wasn't asking for a baby that day, just something to lift my spirits. I went to the gas station to get gas and a guy (who had that 1990's look about him)walked in to pay and it reminded me of Kirk Cameron. I said to myself, "Lord, now THAT would make my day"....meaning seeing Kirk Cameron.

Now....the next part of this story is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH!!!!! I went across the street to get a Jamba Juice and KIRK CAMERON WAS SITTING THERE READING HIS BIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went into Jamba Juice and started shaking a little bit. I had to talk to him or Matt would kill me because I have talked about meeting him forever. I went up to him and started talking, I remember talking so fast that he was just staring at me in disbelief. We talked about John MacArthur....we had to because before I went up to him I didn't even plan out what I was going to say. After I left, I was so excited I called everyone I knew. They were waiting for me to call about the DR. and I was screaming so loud about Kirk, I literally lost my voice. People thought I was nuts. They kept asking me what the Dr. said and I said WHO CARES!

As I laid in bed that night still happy from my visit, I remembered the prayer I prayed to the Lord. I just laid there and thanked Him. People might just always laugh at this story but I remember it as the day that God showed me that He was not going to take this trial from me, He didn't even promise me that it would end soon but He showed me that He loved me and that He was going to be faithful to show me anytime I needed it!

Ivy's Adoption Story Part 1

My friend Tracy is writing the stories of all of her kid's adoptions. I have started Ivy's story in a book but I think blogging it will force me to finish it. I find Tracy's stories so fasinating (see Dodson Family at the bottom of my blog) so I thought people might like to read Ivy's. So......Here we go. First, let me take a moment and talk to my daughter.

For- Ivy Emma Elisabeth Elliott

This book has stories about your life that I think you should know about. I want to write it down before I forget these little facts. Treasure this story as much as I love and treasure you.
Love, Your Mom

Matt and I had wanted to have a baby about 3 years into our marriage. We didn't start trying yet because we couldn't afford it. I know people say that you can never afford to have a baby but we really couldn't. We had too much college debt. It wasn't until we were married about 6 years (Matt and I are trying to remember...all I know is that it felt like forever!) that we started trying to have a baby. I don't know how to explain it but I always had a feeling that I would have a hard time getting pregnant. Maybe it was God preparing my heart for things to come. We met with a regular Dr. and not long after that we went to a specialist in Thousand Oaks. He was so great and caring, not a believer but he was very positive that we would get pregnant. One problem that we had is that my eggs grow slow, so when we were doing artificial insemination, I would have to drive to Thousand Oaks (about 45 minutes away) every other day, leave work and go by myself. My work was so understanding, telling me my family came first but those drives were lonely and discouraging. The drugs made me so sad and I cried all the time. Ask Wendy! She was such a good friend to me, she endured alot. I often asked her in tears, "Do you like being my friend? I am so high maitenance." I remember Mike walking in the door and saying" Geez,Why is Kelli crying again?" Matt was wonderful too. He would just lay in bed with me while I cried about nothing. I am so thankful that I will never take those drugs again!

My Redeemer is Faithful and True

I've debated whether to share this entry tonight but then I thought, when do you not share an example of God's goodness and love? My heart is a little sad. Without going into the whole story, Matt and I thought that we might have a baby girl to adopt. It turns out that we are not going to. In the midst of sadness and disappointment, my mind has raced to all the ways God has shown His goodness to Matt and I. We didn't spend any money, we didn't get into a bad situation, He didn't drag the situation out for us, He has still provided us a slice of perfection in giving us Ivy,, He showed us that a call can really come at anytime. As I dwelled on those things, my heart still was a little sad as the reality of it set in. Then He brought to mind this song. ( I am not computer savy so you can look it up on "youtube".) It is by Steven Curtis Chapman. I played it on Steven's website and had a good cry. "THE WORDS ARE SO TRUE! Here are the lyrics:

"As I look back on the road I've traveled,
I see so many times He carried me through;
And if there's one thing that I've learned in my life
My Redeemer is faithful and true

(chorus) My Redeemer is faithful and true
Everything He has said He will do
and every morning His mercies are new
My Redeemer is faithful and true

My heart rejoices when I read the promise
'There is a place I am preparing for you'
I know someday I'll see my Lord face to face
My Redeemer is faithful and true

(chorus)

And in every situation He has proved His love to me;
When I lack the understanding, He gives more grace to me

(chorus)

Isn't it beautiful? God is so good.....He's so good to me.

A Letter from Elisabeth Elliot

When I got the mail today, I was in for a big surprise! THE Elisabeth Elliot ( the missionary who was Martyr Jim Elliot's wife) wrote Ivy the most beautiful letter. Let me back up.... Ivy's full name is Ivy Emma Elisabeth Elliott. The middle name Emma is from her birthmom and Elisabeth is named after this Elisabeth Elliot (it helps our last name is Elliott) . I have always admired what a godly woman she is and how she has lived her whole life for the Lord. What a great example for our daughter! I have always wanted to write her a letter and let her know that Ivy was named after her and this year I finally did it and she wrote back. She also sent her a croqueted bookmark. Her husband wrote me a short note apologizing for Elisabeth's handwriting being shaky. She typed the letter but signed her name. When I looked her up online it said that she doesn't send things to people because she is old and can't do that for everyone but I asked anyway. I asked for her to give Ivy her favorite bible verses. This was her letter to Ivy:

Dear Ivy Emma Elisabeth,

Today is 18th of January 18, 2008, and you are a bit over two years old so you have years to go before you reach my age, but when you do you will find your obedience to your parents and to God will have brought you joy and peace. Fill your mind with Scripture and the old hymns. They will keep you through the long, dark nights. May I suggest also that it's good to read the old books, especially the missionary biographies.

As you grow, strive to be feminine in how you dress and represent yourself. Remember to keep the boys "at arms length", a maxim that I learned from my mother early in life.

In thinking of being a success in life you might keep in mind the words of Ugo Bassi, who wrote, "Measure thy life by loss and not by gain. Not by the wine drunk but by the wine poured forth. For love's strength standeth in love's sacrifice; and who so suffereth most hath most to give."

A couple of my favorite Bible Verses are Isaiah 50:7 "For the Lord God will help me; therefore shall I not be confounded, therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed." Also, Isaiah 58:10-11 "If you feed the hungry from your own plentyand satisfy the needs of the wretched, then your light will rise like the dawn out of darkness and your dusk be like noonday. The Lord will be your guide continually and will satisfy your needs in the shimmering heat; He will give you strength of limb; you will be like a watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."

May the peace of the Lord be with you, dear Ivy

Lovingly, Elisabeth Elliot Gren

Cupcakes and Casserole

Ivy was busy in the kitchen today. She made cupcakes with her babysitter, Sarah . Then, she made a chicken and veggie casserole with me. She is quite the "Beckie Homeckie." Sarah said that she got introuble for stuffing a whole cupcake in her mouth. I was going to say how terrible that was until my mind flashed back to me eating Wendy's cupcakes on Valentine's Day. (see Valentine's Day entry). I have always wanted to share my love of cooking with Ivy. While we were making the casserole, I thought how great it was that at two years old she is already learning to love the kitchen. Now if I can just get her to not eat so much of the food while we are making it!

Visiting Little Reese Kostjuk

Wendy, Ashley and I went to see Reese at the hospital. I was so excited to finally get to touch her and kiss her. She is so cute and I loved being near her. Wendy and I took turns seeing her because only 2 people could go in the room at a time. It was so sweet of Ashley to let us share that time with her. We love Reesie!